


Love On The Brain

by NewbieCommander



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, But Clexa Endgame, Domestic Disputes, Domestic Fluff, F/F, F/M, Girl Penis Lexa, How could i forget to tag that, I hope that dosnet ruin it for anyone, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Lexa has a son, Not just clexa, Not with clarke, Sad clexa, They have shit to work through before their the clexa we know and love, They unfortunatley wont just be with eachother, maybe smut?, oh yeah
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-20
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2018-12-31 23:22:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12143346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NewbieCommander/pseuds/NewbieCommander
Summary: Lexa makes a big mistake that Clarke forgives her for because of love but she doesn't forget, can they move past the mistakes? Clarke and lexas relationship, the rise and the fall.Will they rise again?(Shit summary I know. But give it a go.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have no beta for this story so there are mistakes that I'm sure to have missed..sorry. 
> 
> This was spare of the moment I'm bored and on lunch at college lol 
> 
> I mean I have a general idea of where I'm taking this fic but any suggestions or ideas will be duly noted

It was 2am on a Friday night when lexa finally got home, she had told Clarke; her girlfriend that she'd be back for a late dinner by 10 but her mother called and told her to visit since she hasn't seen her youngest daughter in a while and misses her. However what was meant to be a quick stop off turned into family time since her big brother and sister where there, then that turned into the bar which escalated in to one too many drinks. 

Unfortunately during that mess her phone died so she was unable to call Clarke and inform her about the slight changes to their plans, so entering the house at 2am she looked up with her eyes closed and silently prayed to whatever higher power that Clarke was asleep in bed and wouldn't wake up until tomorrow morning so lexa can go to bed tonight without an argument. 

She had no such luck.

As soon as she entered the small studio apartment that she shared with her girlfriend she noticed all the lights were off apart from the flickering one clearly coming from the TV, closing her eyes she clenched her fist in frustration, locking the front door she rest her head against it taking a minute to breathe and sober up as much as possible.

She was preparing herself for world war three. Not that Clarke and lexa didn't love and care for eachother but certain events that have occurred in the past have put a somewhat rift in their relationship. Basically Clarke trusted lexa about as far as she could throw her, and this very situation she's in right now does not work in her favour.

Walking further into the apartment she walks past Clarke who's sitting on the sofa staring at the TV and into the kitchen to grab a water bottle from the fridge, still able to see Clarke clearly from the kitchen she leans on the island and watches her.

It's silent until Clarke finally got up from the couch; remote gripped so tightly in her hand her knuckles went white. The blonde approaches lexa with a neutral expression on her face that lexa can't read. 

"Where were You?" she asked in a low voice looking lexa right in the eyes as she came to a stop on the opposite side of the kitchen island.

Lexa didn't answer right away, she took a few sips of her water first her eyes never leaving Clarkes. 

"Moms place" was all she muttered plain and simple 

Clarke's eyes narrowed "Moms place?" she whispered raising her eyebrows "Moms place?!?" this time her voice was loud as she shouted it incredulously.

"Why are you shouting?" lexa asked voice still even as she walked over to the fridge and took out some left over pizza not wanting to insult Clarke further by eating the dinner she prepared for them.

Clarke let out a humorous laugh that sounded so cold "I don't know. I don't know why I'm shouting, I don't know why I'm even wasting my breath" she spat out 

"Clarke, my phone died, I promise I was at my moms house okay?" lexa said softly walking over to Clarke who scrunched up her noise 

"You stink of booze" Clarke deadpanned 

"I went to the bar with Anya and Lincoln after" 

"Oh yeah? Have fun did you?" 

"What's that supposed to mean?" the brunette asked with a heavy sigh 

"You have lipstick on your collar" she pointed to the red lipstick stain on lexas shirt, looking down at it lexa furrowed her brows confused about how and when that got there 

"Must be from my mom or Anya" lexa mumbled truing to wipe it off but smudging it worse "They were all over me when I saw them, it's been like 3 months we're tight that's like 3 years to us" she tried to explain but Clarke wasn't having it.

"It's just excuse after excuse with you isn't it?" 

"Excuses for what? I'm telling you what actually happened so if you don't wanna beleive me that's your problem I don't give a shit I'm tired." Lexa finally snapped making a move to walk past Clarke and to the bedroom but the blonde stepped in front of her blocking the way 

"Lexa I know you don't give a shit your actions make that pretty damn clear" 

"Oh my God" lexa groaned "You're so difficult" she pulled her phone out waving it in Clarkes face "Dead. You see? No battery life. How was I supposed to contact you??" 

"Right because Anya and Lincoln don't have a phone?" 

"I didn't even think of that" lexa sighed 

"Oh I know too busy with the half naked girls throwing themselves at you! To remember me your girlfriend waiting at home for your piece of shit ass because Clarkes a fucking idiot right?!" Clarke wasn't budging she was pissed 

"You know what?!" lexa screamed losing her temper "How about first thing at the crack of fucking dawn we go to the doctors and get a damn tracking device shoved up my ass so you always know my fucking whereabouts since you never beleive me!!" she didn't wanna snap at Clarke and start being a dick but She was pushing her buttons.

Clarke just shook her head, exhausted "There was a time where I believed anything that came out of your mouth..even if it was bullshit." lexas pretty sure her heart just broke hearing that, she took one step towards Clarke which was rewarded by a step back from the blonde. 

"Clarke, you're my world. My life. My everything." she Whispered voice strained with sadness 

Clarke refused to cry. Not now. 

"I'm going to bed. Get your shit and sleep on the couch." then turning on her heel without another word she dissappeared to the bedroom.

Lexa just stood there until Clarke was put of sight she let a single tear drop before roughly wiping it away, She wouldn't cry. Not now. 

// // // // // // // 

Laying wide awake on the slightly uncomfortable couch at 6 in the morning lexa contemplated her life. She wasn't able to get much sleep after her argument with Clarke, the situation just playing over and over again on her mind and if she was being honest Clarke wasn't the one she was angry at because it was her fault she blamed herself for this argument and the last one and the one before that and every argument they've had since she fucked everything up 3 months ago.

She hates thinking about what happened three months ago everytime it's on her mind she hates herself so much more and honestly just feels like walking in front of a bus. Maybe she'd be doing everyone a favour, maybe she'd be doing Clarke a favour. 

Shaking her head lexa pulls her phone off the charger and turns it on, straight away all her missed calls and messages from Clarke come through and she winces, feeling guilty. Going on anyas number she pressed call while it rang she took a deep breath until her eldest sisters sleep filled voice came. 

"It's Saturday. This better be important squirt." Anya grumbled 

"Sorry sis I was just calling to ask if you could talk to Clarke for me? She flipped out yesterday understandably, we were meant to have dinner and my phone died and there lipstick on my collar and-" lexas rambling was abruptly cut off by anyas concerned and seemingly more awake and aware voice.

"Wait lex slow down. Lipstick on your collar? Red lipstick?"

"...Yes.." Lexa said slowly 

"Shit that may have been mine." Anya grumbled remembering last night 

"May have been yours?" lexa asked sitting up in the couch "May have been yours meaning what exactly?" 

"Well that I saw when I accidently put it there" Anya cringed 

"And you didn't think to warn a girl?" 

"Sorry she didn't flip out to bad did she?" Anya asked 

Lexas brows scrunched together in annoyance "It doesn't matter, I would have preferred for her not to flip out at all." 

"I know I know, look I'll call her first thing and explain absolutely everything alright" 

"Alright" lexa muttered 

"Alright. Try and get some sleep kid, just leave it to me" and with that Anya hung up.

Lexa sighed putting her phone down, she'd try and get some sleep. No more than 30-40 minutes later lexa felt a body lay on the couch in front of her, knowing who it was instantly she wrapped her arms around the persons waist pulling their bodies closer together. It was quiet for far too long.

"I'm sor-" Clarke started before lexa interrupted her 

"Don't. Don't you dare apologise" lexa said sternly. She didn't deserve an apology regardless of whether or not Clarke was in the wrong for this situation. 

The word sorry for lexa coming from Clarkes mouth feels like stab to the heart. 

It went quite again. Lexas breath on the back of Clarkes neck evening out as she finally fell asleep. Clarke took lexas hand in hers linking them together, she brought their joint hands to her lips and gently placed a kiss to lexas.

"I love you, that's why I'm still trying. That's why we're still trying. And I know you love me, I know you do. Some people say love isn't always enough but for us it has to be because love like this just can't be for nothing. It just can't."

// // // // // // // 

That very morning Clarke woke up to the smell of bacon and coffee, looking over the sofa into the kitchen Clarke saw lexa making breakfast, she smiled before quietly making her way upstairs to freshen up a little so her breath didn't smell like something crawled in her mouth and died. 

Coming back downstairs Clarke ventured into the kitchen, just in time to see lexa making them both coffee, the food already on plates; talking to herself. 

When lexa noticed her she smiled wide. "Morning baby" she cooed 

"Good morning" Clarke put on the tiniest of smiles 

"Breakfast?" the brunette asked to which Clarke nodded 

It was silent for a while as they ate before lexa finally spoke up 

"Listen, I'm really really sorry for last night... Or this morning depending on how you look at it..." the brunette trailed off causing Clarke to smile genuine this time "Point is I'm sorry, I fucked up" 

Clarke sighed shaking her head "No it's fine I'm the one who should be apologizing, I over reacted big time without hearing you out first" 

"With good reason, Clarke you had every right" the brunette defended taking Clarkes hand and kissing it all over before moving upwards to her arm, pecking every bit of exposed skin "Thing weren't exactly pointing in the right direction, and I'm sorry for that. It will never." she kissed Clarke neck "Ever." she kissed her chin "Ever." she kissed her ears causing the blonde to giggle "Ever happen again." she finished by kissing Clarkes lips in a sweet long peck conveying everything she didn't say and a million more 'sorry's' 

Clarke smiled softly grabbing the back of lexas neck when the brunette was going to pull away deepening the kiss, lexa couldn't help the smile that donned her face making it hard for the kiss to go anywhere, Clarke chuckled "Your smiling is making this hard" She teased as they both stayed an inch apart foreheads connected and lips brushing together 

"I'm sorry, I just love you so damn much" 

"I love you too baby" 

"You mean that?" lexa asked searching Clarkes blue eyes. She saw love, but she also saw pain. 

"With my entire being" she breathed out "I don't exist without you lexa, I love you so fucking much"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet Aiden, Raven, Bellamy and let's not forget sweet Harper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think.

Waiting outside the nursery lexa contemplates how inappropriate it would be for her to have a cigarette right here. Looking around she sees only a hand full of other parents _they must all be at the other exit_ she thinks to herself.

Going in her back pocket she takes out a cigarette from its confines and quickly pops it in between her lips, lighting it up and taking a long satisfying drag ignoring the looks of disapproval from other parents,

"What?" Lexa asked a lady who was looking at her like she was trash "I work hard" she said taking another drag, she held it in for a few seconds and slowly exhaled. In the moment she took another drag the school doors came flying open and out ran wild children most importantly her wild child who was currently sprinting towards her at full speed.

"Shit" she muttered exhaling and trying to fan the smoke away while putting the cigarette out using the back of her shoe.

"Jackass!" Aiden screamed as he crashed into her back causing her to stumble to the floor Aiden falling on top of her.

"Aiden" she scolded, groaning as she rubbed her butt "I told you to stop calling me that, it's a bad word"

The young boy furrowed his brows as he sat up off his mama "But Mommy calls you that all the time"

Lexa choked on air "Well she-I-you-it-" she stuttered out before clearing her throat, "Look just do as I say please I'm the parent" lexa almost whined

Aiden nodded, getting up he stretched out a tiny arm to help his mom get up, lexa chuckled taking the offered arm she pretended he actually pulled her up on his own. Lexa opened the back of the door to her beat up jeep wrangler, picking Aiden up she placed him in his car seat and strapped him in before going to the drivers seat and starting the car up.

Lexa had a pretty hectic week working at the bar she owned, it was small and run down but the locals loved it, the bums and the working folks use it as a getaway from their boring lives every evening which is good for her, business wise, bad for her when she has to break up the fifth drunken fight after the first 2 hours of opening.

"Mama" Aiden called from the back seat "Can we get some ice cream?" He asked in his sweet voice knowing exactly what he can do with his powers of cuteness.

Lexa Absolutely adored her son, she couldn't even imagine her life without him which is funny considering when she found out she was gonna be a mom she could not see it as anything short of a massive burden on her life.

They had found out that they were gonna have Aiden when they were 18 in high school floating between adulthood and the last of their childhood, of course by they she means her then childhood sweetheart Raven Reyes, Aidens other mother.

They were in a crazy relationship that they sort of knew wouldn't last but the fun they had with one another made their years together in highschool so worth it. But being tied together for life by a human being that they created was something neither one of them anticipated. She smiles thinking 6 years later and they love Aiden so unconditionally it hurts.

Just in that moment her phone rang and Aiden hit the back of her seat trying to get her attention. "Aiden" she groaned he shrugged "You spaced out, I just asked if we could please get some ice cream please??" She rolled her eyes answering her phone

"I'll think about it" she was most definitely already on route to the local dinner

"Hello" she greeted, she didn't check who it was before answering.

"Babe" She smiled as Clarkes voice filled the car. "Clarke!" Aiden screamed in excitement, Lexa groaned at the volume the kid could project.

Clarke chuckled "Hey little man, I think you're gonna make your mom deaf real soon,"

"Sorry" Aiden mumbled sheepishly "Are you coming to get ice cream with us?"

"Maybe next time bud I'm a little busy right now" Clarke was currently at her Tattoo shop where she worked as one of the artist.

"Lex" Clarke called

"Here"

"You're not working at the bar tonight right?" The blonde asked

Lexa took a right into the dinner parking lot causing Aiden to bounce in his seat with excitement "No Ma'am"

"Good, a colleague of mine is celebrating his birthday tonight, I think he's having a little get together at his place, wanna be my date?" Clarke spoke through the phone sounding like she was multitasking considering all the shuffling on her end of the call.

"I'm you're date for life baby" Both Clarke and Lexa laughed when Aiden could be heard making fake gagging noises in the back

"Who's birthday?" She asked

There was silence before Clarke replied "Bellamy"

Lexa rolled her eyes "I don't like that guy Clarke" she deadpanned

She could hear Clarke sigh on the other end "Lexa he and I built this business from the ground up, together. He's my partner-"

"Yeah" lexa interrupted, "I know, I just think the guys a jackass, would you rather me lie to you about how I feel towards him?"

"Mama you're not supposed to say that, it's a bad word." Aiden said not even looking at lexa, choosing to look out the window and watch the car pass everything in a blur with fascination.

"Crap I'm sorry,"

"Mama" Aiden said again

"Sorry for that one too"

"You don't have to come you know" Clarke said to lexa

"Oh I'm most def coming" lexa confirmed

"Alright ill be home in about 2 hours and we'll leave around 8 or 9, cool?"

"Sounds like a plan" lexa answered

"Can I come?" Aiden asked and Clarke laughed "No" was all the blonde replied with a chuckle "Alright baby, i'll see you when I get home. Bye Aiden"

"Bye Clarke" he called out sweetly

"Alright see you then" Lexa ended the call and took Aiden into the dinner where she got him and herself an ice cream cup.

Now Clarke had come into the picture about a year after Aiden was born, her and Raven were having problems and just ultimately couldn't be in a relationship any longer. She had met Clarke outside of Aidens school actually, the blonde was there dropping off her Godson Jordan and she was dropping off Aiden, They got to talking and exchanged numbers to meet up later in the night. They met at a bar, at the time Clarke was 21 and she was 19 unbeknownst to Clarke who ordered round after round of drinks for the two until they were both completely shitfaced, of course lexa eventually told her she was 19 and Clarke just laughed at the fact she got played to distribute drinks illegally. They bonded that night and over the years grew into what they are now.

It was strange, Clarke was never weirded out by the fact that she had a kid so young, always making jokes about being a cougar and a step mom at the age of 22. She Adored Aiden and the boy loved her, it was all really natural for them.

Of course the Awkward part was getting Clarke and Raven to be civil to each other after not exactly starting off on the right foot, it worked; they weren't the best of friend's but they tolerated each other never leaving maturity at the door.

* * *

 

Leaving the dinner and Driving to drop Aiden off she finally came to a stop at her destination, getting out she unbuckled Aiden and they both walked to the front of the house.

Lexa knocked twice, in no more than 5 seconds the door opened revelling a grinning brunette, "Hello my son" the brunette said in a monotone voice

"Hello my mother" Aiden replied in the same voice, lexa rolled her eyes at the pair.

The brunette didn't stop there, taking weird robotic steps towards the young boy she patted him stiffly on the head "Good work son you brought back a prize," she looked to lexa who raised her brows "on second thoughts it seems you brought back junk" her and Aiden both laughed when lexa pouted.

"Alright Aiden tell Mama Thanks for picking you up" the brunette said

"Thanks Mama, can't wait to see you tomorrow." He hugged lexa tightly

"Yeah see you then butthead" she kissed him on the head before he moved away into the house not before throwing a "I love you Jackass" over his shoulder

"AIDEN" both brunettes yelled

"That's your fault" lexa pointed out

"Hey now no Ponting the blame Jackass" Raven joked. "Seriously though my dad would have a heart attack if he heard him say that" 

"Mine would kill us both" Lexa added jokingly

Lexa looked inside quickly Notting that Aiden had run upstairs, "Want a cigarette?" She asked pulling out her box and placing one in between her lips, Raven nodded "not out front though my neighbours would have a field day with a scene like two parents smoking cigarettes outside the front of the house"

Raven gestured for lexa to follow her, they both went to the back garden and sat on Aidens tiny slide, both barely able to fit; lexa handed a cigarette and lighter to Raven as they both began to smoke, savouring the feeling of the smoke filling their lungs.

"Oh yeah, that's good. It's been a while since I had one of these." Raven said taking another drag, lexa looked over at her in confusion, "We literally did this exact same thing last week when I dropped him off" She pointed out.

Raven shrugged "I said it's been a while"

There was a beat of silence "So how's things...you know with Clarke and everything?" Raven asked hesitantly, she didn't want to sound intrusive or hit a soft spot.

Lexas jaw clenched "Okay I guess"

"Just okay?" Raven pressed

"I don't know Raven"

"Now you don't know? Which one is it"

"Can you just drop it." Lexa took another long drag

"Hell no, you too love birds are around my Son with your relationship good and bad, I wanna know." The brunette sassed, taking another drag she rolled her eyes "I also care about you guys" she muttered

Lexa smiled a little "What about you? It's time you get yourself back out there, you deserve it."

Raven shook her head looking down "I don't know"

"Oh Raven, don't tell me your still caught up in Finn? That guy was a douche bag" lexa made a face. She wouldn't comment on Ravens love life if it wasn't necessary, the guy was bad news.

"He wasn't all that bad" she argued weakly

"He cheated on you. More than once" lexa deadpanned

"Pot calling kettle black?"

"Nice one. How dare you even compare me to that guy? What happened with Clarke was nothing like that!" She argued, tone raising slightly

"Oh Calm down" Raven furrowed her brows "I'm not comparing, I'm simply stating that you're in no position to judge" she defended

Lexa took the final drag of her cigarette, throwing it in the garbage, before standing up "I should get going"

Raven also stood up with a sigh "I'm sorry if I crossed a line, I was just saying th-"

"Don't back track on what you say," Lexa interrupted "It dosen't suit you"

Raven shook her head with a fake chuckle 'Asshole' she mumbled under her breath leading them back to the front yard "See you tomorrow when you pick up Aiden I guess." Raven said already closing the door

"Yeah see you then" was all Lexa said before walking off and sliding into her jeep, getting in and pulling off she thought about what Raven just said, she knew she was nothing like Finn at all but It seems she was still at that 'The truth hurts' phase.

As she drove home she began thinking back to the argument she had with Clarke last week, of course they sorted it out thanks to Anya but she couldn't help to think that her sister isn't going to be a cloak of protection over their relationship forever, Sooner or later they were gonna have to stand on their own again, if they even could at this point. In no way did Lexa pity herself but the gut wrenching feeling of not knowing exactly where you stand in your own damn relationship was a kick to the groin everyday that passed. She never once doubted that she deserved it, making a promise with herself to put up with it for as long as it takes to gain Clarke's unconditional trust back.

* * *

Clarke was finishing up on one of her sessions when the door to the tattoo studio could be heard opening, a few minutes later the receptionist Harper stuck her head into the room "Someone's here to see you boss" The blonde said with a small teasing smirk.

Clarke smiled shaking her head "Thank you Harper, I'll be right out" she finished up switching off the tattoo gun and whipping down the clients arm that the ink was drawn on "There we are Chris, done for the day" Clarke announced with a smile, the man stood up with a sigh of relief.

"I don't think ill ever get used to that awful sensation." The man complained putting on his jacket

Clarke laughed "Well next week is the final 3 hour secession and you'll never have to see me and my awful tattoo gun again" the blonde promised as she followed him out the door to the main waiting area.

"Well you I can tolerate, the pretty face just makes it all better" he joked, Clarke shook her head the man sure knew how to shoot his shot every session.

"Get out of here you big flirt," she waved him off as he laughed and left the shop.   
She turned around and walked further into the waiting are so she could see who came to see her, stepping in view of the seats she saw Bellamy sitting there with a big smile plastered on his face, she returned the gesture and moved to greet him.

"Hey old man" she joked giving him a hug, he hugged back with a laugh and a tight squeeze

"Don't you go throwing that word 'old' around, I'm only 28" he said sounding more like he was convincing himself.

"Oh my God," Clarke shook her head "Bellamy I'm 27 in two months, how is this happening" she pondered, both of them taking a seat in the waiting area.

"Well princess, time waits for no one" he shrugged "So you're coming over tonight right?" He asked looking at her.

Clarke nodded her head "Of course, Lexa and I will be there." She stated, noticing his smile fade.

"Lexa huh, great." He deadpanned

"Bellamy, don't start." She said putting her hand up

Harper nodded "Now's not the time to bring up your dislike for Clarke's girlfriend Bell" she said from behind her desk, she was one of their closest friends as well as a part of the team, "If anything prepare yourself for meeting Octavias Boyfriend"

Bellamy groaned "oh God, I almost forgot about that, isn't he related to Lexa?" He asked

The blonde sitting next to him nodded "Yes, and don't you dare act weird with him because of it."  She pointed her finger at him

"Well I'm sure the weirdness will come from me knowing he's sleeping with my sister."  He shrugged "I'm not saying anything anyway," he said putting his arms up "You'll figure everything out on your own"

She rolled her eyes. "The only thing I'll be figuring out is who I'm gonna set you up with tonight so you're birthday ends with a bang if you know what I mean." She smirked nudging him, the curly haired man burst out laughing, Clarke and Harper also sniggering. The three of them falling into casual chit chat for a few minutes before Bellamy had to leave.

"So I'll see you ladies tonight?" He asked again as he walked to the door

"Sure thing" Harper called from her desk, Clarke nodding in agreement; all she could think was that there was no amount of alcohol that couid get her through tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anything you guys want to see in particular? Let me know.

**Author's Note:**

> What do you think so far?  
> Let me know if you'd like me to continue this fic ;-)


End file.
